I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
