he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
