did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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