dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
