You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
