I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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