Small penises have feelings too.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
