apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just had sex bonerless
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
