I love black thongs
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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