shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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