there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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