on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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