What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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