if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
