I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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