I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
