My Higher Power is John Stamos
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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