this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Pooping to opera.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
