She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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