I hate your face
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Boobs speak an international language.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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