found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
