i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
