She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
