She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
