Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
