Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
