I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
