I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
