I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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