drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
