I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
