my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
