Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
