Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
