How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
