Fuck appropriateness.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
