His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
