Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
