why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
