He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
