Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
