she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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