ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
