I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
