i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
