just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
