he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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