I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
