sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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