I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
